Asking Eric: My husband gets paid to do nothing, and I can’t stand it

Dear Eric I am a -year-old professional woman married to a great -year-old Ph D who works in pharma is in good fitness and has no desire to retire Related Articles Asking Eric My son wants me to intercede with the in-laws I don t know what to say Asking Eric Is it OK for an influencer to post these intrusive photos Asking Eric I had a dream about this woman so I went to her house Things got weird Asking Eric Does my Golden Bachelor mindset make me look foolish to the rest of the world Asking Eric Should I ask my neighbors about their disconcerting habit We have a very good marriage but I am struggling with resentment and negativity due to my husband s work situation We both work from home His workload has been nonexistent for months His boss keeps saying work is coming but it doesn t The company is not laying off anyone in his department My husband basically takes a walk in the morning and then comes home and naps for hours Then he goes to the library to read the paper and then takes another nap He will happily run any errands we need but will not spend time doing anything meaningful I have suggested volunteering but he refuses He has hobbies that he shows no interest in We can t advance because he requirements to be near the computer and available in episode the boss calls It kills me that I am busy all day long and have to watch him nap fully clothed in bed I know I can only change myself but I am really very unhappy Help Office Mate Dear Office Mate Sharing a work-from-home setup with one s spouse can have its benefits you tend to like your coworker for instance But it can turn sour when commented coworker is napping around the office all day like he s Garfield the cat A big difference between your husband and Garfield is that your husband wants to work Garfield famously a hater of Mondays does not I suspect particular of the malaise that s fallen over him the napping the loss of interest in hobbies reflects this unmet desire While getting paid to do nothing might suit chosen this shift in his workload could be bringing feelings of inadequacy failure or even fear He could be wondering if he ll ever get to work again Countless people express trepidation about transitioning to retired life it s a huge life shift that can knock you back on your heels even if you re looking forward to it It seems your husband is being shoved in that direction and so this transition is rocky It could even be equally stressful to him to see you so busy when he s decidedly not I know that it s been a rough couple of months but consider that this is a relatively short amount of time in the span of a career The napping won t last forever but your husband may need a helping hand out of this funk See if you can talk with him directly about how he s feeling And if attainable try working elsewhere for a day or two a week a coffee shop the library a coworking space This might give you both the space you need to deal with this period Dear Eric I ve been friends with a couple for more than years In retrospect our engagements dependably seem to be about partying We attended both their sons weddings Yet I still feel that they hold me at a distance The wife of the couple has no trouble telling me about a gathering she s having to which we are not invited Or how she s having another person over for a holiday dinner because they will be alone without asking if my husband and I will also be alone for that day Lately I initiated an invite to get together for happy hour when my sister was visiting from out of town I got a reply that was somewhat hurtful They couldn t possibly meet for an hour or so during the seven days she would be here because my friend was hosting a th birthday party for her husband and they would be busy Geez way to tell me our friendship isn t valuable enough to invite us to a milestone birthday for someone we ve known for years Years ago I got disgusted and felt that I was the one who unfailingly initiated getting together so I stopped calling Two years went by without her contacting me I eventually called and things went on as usual Ironically when I explained why I dropped off she didn t really understand Why do I keep this relationship going Is it even a relationship Are We Friends Related Articles Harriette Cole I think the ushers should have done more after I fell Miss Manners She s declared herself the dessert boss and the rest of us end up paying Dear Abby My husband s excuse is that he only ogles women who are prettier than me Asking Eric My son wants me to intercede with the in-laws I don t know what to say Harriette Cole I think a month in another country is too much for my teen Dear Friends Do you really like this couple This behavior is tough at best unacceptable at worst Friendship requirements to be reciprocal and if they re sending ambivalent messages you can either have a direct conversation about why that is and how you can work together to fix it or you can accept it at face value Frankly I d suggest doing the latter I m sorry you re not being treated in a way that shows thoughtfulness or care but you don t have to keep subjecting yourself to it Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com